I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
