I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
