this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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