She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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