He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The adults are the big ones right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
