WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
