So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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