I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
