I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
