you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
