i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
