You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
