No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You did what with his pubic hair?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
