I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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