me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
