I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then he peed in my hair
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