got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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