Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
