Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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