Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
