This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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