I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
