Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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