Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
