forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
