I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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