So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
