The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
