The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
