DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
