Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
