There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
