New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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