Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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