if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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