I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
