You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
