I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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