Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
