I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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