Jerry, you need to find god
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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