your room smells of hookers.
And success
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
