Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I sprained my soul last night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
