look no pants
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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