Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
