I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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