But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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