textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
