he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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