dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Randomize
