You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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