I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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