Yo dont text me then not text me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
