If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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