so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
