my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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