So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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