I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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