i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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