No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
