dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
