i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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