Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
