i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
