Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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