my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
