i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
