i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
